Recovery Road Read online

  Contents

  Title Page copy

  Copyright copy

  Dedication

  CHAPTER ONE

  CHAPTER TWO

  CHAPTER THREE

  CHAPTER FOUR

  CHAPTER FIVE

  CHAPTER SIX

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  CHAPTER NINE

  CHAPTER TEN

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Join the Newsletter

  About the Author

  Acknowledgements

  RECOVERY ROAD

  BY: DANIELLE DONALDSON

  Copyright © 2016 by Danielle Donaldson

  All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof

  may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever

  without the express written permission of the publisher

  except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

  Printed in the United States of America

  First Printing, 2016

  http://www.WriterDanielleDonaldson.com/

  Cover art by Clarissa Wild

  For my husband, David. You are the best big spoon in the world.

  CHAPTER ONE

  “Hudson, you have only five minutes to eat breakfast!” Catalina yelled up the stairs before returning to the kitchen to scrape scrambled eggs onto a plate.

  “Olivia, honey, you gotta eat your toast. Don’t you want to be big and strong?” Hudson rushed into the room, picked up a piece of wheat toast off his daughter’s plate and took a bite of it. His dark hair was cut close to his scalp; he always joked that it kept his gray hair from showing. Catalina always had to remind him that he was only in his twenties.

  “Daddy! No!” The little girl sat up straight and snatched the toast from her father’s hands. She looked so grown up in her pressed navy blue jumper and white polo shirt.

  “Don’t tease her, babe. You know today is a big day.” Catalina sat her husband’s plate in front of him. “And, little miss, don’t get any food on your new uniform.”

  “Oh, yes. A big day for a little girl. First day of school. You ready, ladybug?” Hudson scooped up a large helping of eggs and beamed at his daughter while chewing. He tugged on one her pigtails, her brown hair glossy and neat.

  “I’m scared, Daddy. I don’t know if I’ll like the other kids.”

  Catalina sighed as she slid into her seat and gulped down some lukewarm coffee. It was like her daughter to worry about whether she liked the other kids and not the other way around. She raised her eyebrows at Hudson.

  “Don’t worry, baby. You’ll do great.” He reached over a large hand and squeezed her little one in his. Olivia smiled softly and her bright gray eyes shone at him. His big hands were almost always stained with oil and grease from working at the shop. Catalina smiled over her mug at their hands wrapped up in one another. There was a time, before they had Olivia, that Catalina couldn’t imagine having children, especially with Hudson. They were too alike, too much fighting between the two of them. There was rarely a Friday night that didn’t end with them screaming at each other in a parking lot somewhere. The fights started over something small—Hudson was insecure about a look Catalina gave the waiter, Catalina didn’t like Hudson’s tone when he said something, and then their quick tempers took over and a nice night out with their friends or at the movies would turn for the worst.

  She twirled the gold wedding band on her tan finger. Hudson gave her the ring, now chipped and dulled, the night she found out she was pregnant with Olivia. Of course, they had fought when she told him. She had screamed at him with tears welling in her eyes.

  “God, we’re such dumbasses! How could we do this?” She practically threw the pregnancy test at him.

  “It takes two to tango, Cat. This can’t all be on me.” Hudson picked up the test in disbelief. He stared at it as Cat paced around him.

  “I can’t believe this. I thought we were safe. I thought we were doing things to protect ourselves.”

  “Nothing is 100 percent, I guess...but it’s okay, Cat. We’ll figure this out. We’ll do whatever you want to do.”

  They were so young and stupid. They thought they were invincible, like all teenagers do. But now they had a beautiful and bright little girl who was growing up too fast. Catalina’s heart clenched, thinking about her tiny daughter who wasn’t so tiny anymore.

  “Daddy’s right. You’re going to do great. Now, give Dad a hug and go get your backpack. We have to get going. We don’t want to be late.”

  Hudson wrapped his arms around his daughter tightly, and she gave him a quick peck on the cheek before scooting up the stairs.

  “Oh, man, I didn’t realize how late it is. I gotta run. Thanks for breakfast, beautiful.” He kissed her cheek and squeezed her arm. He stomped his boots on.

  “Don’t forget a coat. It’s raining out there today,” she yelled after him as she cleaned off the breakfast table. Catalina squinted out of the kitchen window. The rain was streaking down the windowpane, which was weird for early September. The front door slammed and she jumped from the sound.

  “Momma! I can’t find my raincoat. I can’t go to school without it!” Olivia was whining from the top of the stairs.

  Catalina rushed her daughter into the now-found coat and out the door. They ran through fat raindrops to the car and hopped in, breathing heavily. Catalina tried to smooth out the wrinkles in her black pencil skirt. She was already planning what she was going to tell her boss at the bank when she was inevitably late.

  As Catalina pulled out of the driveway, she started singing to the radio with her daughter. They shook out the nerves and were happily bobbing their heads; Olivia was clapping her hands from her booster seat in the back.

  Catalina drove slowly down the residential streets. Her windshield wipers rushed quickly across the glass and she still had trouble seeing. As she turned the car onto the major highway, the rain lightened slightly. She turned down the wipers’ speed as traffic slammed to a halt in front of her.

  “Momma, why aren’t we going?” Olivia started to rustle in the backseat. Her raincoat squeaked.

  “I’m not sure. Looks like there was an accident. I’m sure everything is okay.” Catalina reached back and patted her daughter’s knee. She turned down the radio. Smoke rose above the cars in front of her in a dark cloud. A couple of the cars moved lanes in order to get by the scene. They were slowly inching their way closer to the accident.

  “Baby, can you do me a favor and close your eyes real quick? I want to make sure we get by safely.”

  Catalina drew her eyebrows together as her daughter scrunched her eyes shut.

  “Closed, Momma. Tell me when I can open them again.” The traffic was going by the accident slowly. Hopefully, Olivia wouldn’t peek and see a dead deer or something that someone had hit. Olivia caught a glimpse of a skunk lying dead on the side of the road once, and it took two hours and an ice cream cone to calm her tears after explaining that one.

  “Okay, ladybug. Keep those eyes shut tight and we’ll be at school in a second.”

  Oh God. It was Hudson’s blue work truck crumpled in the middle of the road, the front end smoking and crushed like a soda can.

  Blood. Oh no, blood. Her own voice shrieked in her head. Glass glittered on the road, shimmering in the rain. The sky as dark but headli
ghts from every direction lit up the scene in front of her, tiny spotlights on the gruesome scene. They shone bright against the metal, glass, and blood.

  Her body was moving, but her mind swam through gelatin. Time slipped between her fingers, like running while in a dream. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t catch the lump in her throat.

  She slammed on her brakes and threw the car into park. Goddamn seat belt. It wouldn’t let her go, tethering her ass to the seat. She heard only the splashes of the puddles she was running through as people gaped at her from the safety of their cars. Her feet slid on the wet pavement and her jeans were soaked up to her knees. Her hair pasted to her forehead.

  Hudson. No. No. No. A mantra she repeated, under her breath. No. Not you. Not Hudson.

  She could see his frame, leaning against the steering wheel. His head was wet with dark blood and he wasn’t moving. The windshield was smashed inward. A semi-truck had hit his truck, pushing and twirling it around the intersection. The driver side door was crunched into the cab; glass from both vehicles scattered across the pavement.

  “Hudson!” she screamed at him from the other side of the road. Her chest tightened and the cars stopped around her. Catalina thought she saw him stir; a large explosion threw her off her feet. The last thing she saw before the back of her head hit the pavement were the white letters of “Montgomery Auto” on the side of the truck.

  *

  It rained the day of Hudson’s funeral. The raindrops beating on the roof of the car deafened Catalina. The explosion had kept her in the hospital for a few days, and burns now scarred her neck, chest, and parts of her face. Olivia laid her head in Catalina’s lap as she gently brushed her daughter’s wavy dark hair away from her face. The inside of the car smelled like wet leather and felt stuffy.

  “You okay back there, kitty cat?” her friend, Gillian, asked. She met her friend’s eyes in the rearview mirror but kept her mouth in a tight line. “I know. That was a stupid question.” Gillian turned her attention back to the road.

  The church service was peaceful, quiet. The guys from the shop even managed to show up in suits. Hudson’s family sniffled beside Catalina in the front row. She wanted to reach over and pat his mother’s hand, but she couldn’t manage it. Their friends came up and said very kind things about him. He was a great friend, good husband, hard worker, overcame adversity. It reminded Catalina too much of when her own father died. The soft music, the flowers around the casket, and the quiet crying in the crowd. They played “Saving Grace” while everyone went up and touched the closed casket. Olivia sat with her hands wrapped in her lap. Her new dress crinkled with every move she made.

  Gillian would drive them to the cemetery. Her friend from high school was the only person Catalina could deal with at the moment, the only one who wouldn’t treat her like she would break.

  “I think we all need a drink,” Gillian said as she turned the wheel.

  “Some of us are underage,” Catalina said.

  “Olivia needs a little drink then. A child-sized drink. A daiquiri with a crazy straw.” Gillian smirked in the mirror.

  Catalina gave her a small smile.

  “There’s my girl,” Gillian said as she pulled into a parking space. “Look, I know that today totally sucks and it hurts like hell. I can’t imagine what you are feeling. But you are not here alone. I’ll hold your hand or hold your hair back when you puke or whatever you need. I’m here forever, and there’s no getting rid of me.” Gillian turned around in her seat and reached for Catalina’s hand.

  “Thank you.”

  “I’m serious. You’re my super hetero life mate. Forever.”

  The rain started to taper off.

  At the graveside, Catalina tried to focus on what was real, what she was experiencing, but she was so far away from it all. It was a nightmare.

  “Don’t worry, Cat. I’ll crash on the couch tonight. Take all the time you need.” Marie, Catalina's younger sister, squeezed the tired Olivia to her body. Olivia’s gangly kid legs swung loose at Marie’s hips.

  Thank God for Marie.

  Catalina hugged herself tightly, wrapping her thin hands around her shoulders, despite the sharp pain of the burns. She watched as they lowered the casket into the ground and she worried, momentarily, about how dark it was in there for Hudson. But he wasn’t in there. Not really.

  Evan, Hudson’s best friend, stood silently across from her, staring down into the grave. His hands were stuffed into the pockets of his navy-blue suit pants. His blond hair was combed back neatly and his broad shoulders looked uncomfortably cramped in the suit jacket. His tie hung loosely from his collar. For a moment, she thought he was going to say something to her, but he closed his mouth and went back to staring at the hole. She shivered and shifted her glance downward as well.

  The weather was unseasonably chilly. It was as if Hudson took the summer with him. She fought the urge to look back at Evan.

  They had been friends in high school, bumping into each other at parties and football games and eating pizza at the lunch table, his light blue eyes always looking away from her. They never spoke much. He was close with Hudson but kept his distance from her. It was obvious he didn’t like her much.

  His best friend was dead. Her best friend was also dead. They were the same man, lying in a box. She’d probably never see Evan again.

  CHAPTER TWO

  4 Months Later

  Catalina lay in her bed, their bed. The weight of her bones sank into the worn mattress; the sheets were grimy and the musty smell of sweat and tears still clung to the blankets. She put her hands on her stomach and they slowly rose and lowered with her breath. She was still alive. Her hair was still growing in, uneven in areas where the fire burned it. Catalina refused to cut it.

  “Momma! Momma!” Olivia rushed into the bedroom, slamming the door open.

  “Hey, baby,” Catalina said as she tried to sit up and kick her feet over the side of the bed.

  “Now, ladybug. I told you that your momma has to rest. Come on. We’ll be late to school,” Marie said from the doorway.

  “Oh, it’s okay. Are you here to say goodbye, baby?” Catalina wrapped her arms around her daughter tightly.

  “Yup. I’m gonna go to school and then I wanna stay at Auntie Marie’s apartment tonight. Is that okay? They have so much cool stuff there.”

  “By cool stuff, she means that I promised to make her hot chocolate tonight.” Marie scrunched up her shoulders. “I don’t mind. I offered. I have tonight off, and I can drop her off tomorrow.”

  Olivia looked up at Catalina with bright eyes. Her hair was pulled into two French braids with pink ribbons entwined.

  “Well, I’m glad to see that Auntie is helping with your hair. Of course you can go. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? You be good at school and tell me all about it later.” Catalina gave Olivia a kiss on the forehead and said to her sister, “Thanks for everything. I’m still kind of...” Catalina waved her hands around her head to the messy bedroom.

  “Hey, don’t worry about it. I love my niece. It’s great to have her.” Marie watched Olivia skip around her and out of the room .

  “Yeah, well, I’m working on it. I have to make an appointment for a therapist, and I still have stuff to wrap up at the shop…” Catalina looked at her feet.

  “You know I’m trying to be here for you. I don’t want you to fade away.” Marie crossed her arms and nodded. “But, and I hope you don’t mind me saying so, you should think about getting out, going for a walk, changing the sheets. I don’t mind covering for you with Olivia, but it’s been a while. She needs her mother. You know what that’s like.”

  Their own mother had lain in bed, unresponsive after their father died. She would stare at the wall while Marie and Catalina begged her to wake up, to eat something, to be the mom they needed. Catalina went in every morning, faithfully placing a fresh glass of water and toast on the bedside table. Their mother never acknowledged it.

  Catalina got a job at the hot dog
hut at the mall, she helped Marie with her homework, leaned on Hudson pretty hard, but she managed to move out, get Marie through school, put food on the table, and survive after their father’s death despite their mother turning emotionally comatose. Marie made it to college, became a nurse, got a good job. Catalina hadn’t talked to her mother in a long time. She was at the funeral, but she didn’t say much other than gently pat Catalina on the back and hold Marie’s hand while they stood next to the plot at the cemetery.

  “That stings, sis,” Catalina hissed. She had a nest of blankets and pillows in the bed, the TV remote and empty water bottles mixed in the sheets. Cat knew that she resembled her mother in her current state of grief, but she was trying to get better.

  “I’m not saying that you are like her, Cat. I’m saying that you gotta come back to the world. I know it’s hard. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through. But life is still happening out there. You’re missing it.” With that, she turned on her heel and left the room. The house settled into the hum of silence. Catalina desperately wanted to lie back down, take a sleeping pill or two, and sleep until Olivia came back home the next day.

  Instead, she stood, twisted her body to crack her back, and tried to take a few steps. Catalina shuffled slowly to her dresser.

  She changed her pants, slid on a bra and a new shirt. Her feet were rocks, heavy, and each movement seemed to drag her down until she wanted to lie on the floor. Her sweat pants slipped off her hips, and she had to grab the fabric and pull it back over her butt.

  She made it to the bathroom and actually brushed her teeth. The effort was like lifting boulders and flinging them over her shoulder. She walked to the kitchen to try to make herself some coffee.

  Her eyes started to well up before she reach the coffee maker. There was Hudson’s worn, dark blue baseball hat with a sweat ring stain, sitting on the kitchen table. Catalina had begged him to throw it out, and now she couldn’t move and the air was vacuumed out of her lungs.